


Out of Time

by FlyingDutchy



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, F/F
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-08-09
Updated: 2017-08-09
Packaged: 2018-12-13 07:46:51
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,619
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11755278
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FlyingDutchy/pseuds/FlyingDutchy
Summary: Lexa wakes up, knowing that she had failed. She had failed andshewas dead. A familiar friend barges in at an unfamiliar time. The news she brought was, to her surprise, actual news. There was a new prisoner, one who knew things she shouldn't. And it gave her hope.





	1. Something's chanced

Lexa wakes up by the familiar sound of bells. She knows she has failed. Unable to come out of bed, she stays there until the messenger arrives in her quarters.

Lexa doesn’t really listen to him and waves him away once he’s done speaking. Apparently, he expected more of a reaction from his commander, it was a highly unusual message that he brought.

Afterwards, she was still lying in bed, staring through the ceiling, imagining where she went wrong. She came so far, only to fail in the end. It was strange, she couldn’t quite remember the ending.

When her hunger finally became too much, she threw off her covers and exited the room. Immediately, she bumped into her waiting Flamekeeper. “Yes?”

“Heda! Your council has been waiting for you, the news has reach-” She waved him away as well, stunning him into silence.

“Send a rider to Tondc, orders are to observe but otherwise not engage unless necessary.” Eyes wide, the man didn’t know what had gotten into the Commander. It was so unlike her to miss important meetings.

“Did the Spirits…”

“Damn the Spirits,” The Commander’s blasphemy shocked the Flamekeeper to his core. The Spirits were the foundation behind the existence of the Commander, without them, she would never be in charge. Though Titus knew that wasn’t true, he believed Lexa would have been a leader regardless of the Commander’s spirit. “I’m sorry, Flamekeeper, the news must have thrown me off.”

She was uncharacteristically cold towards her trusted advisor, but couldn’t exactly point out why that was the case. Lexa left him behind and went to scour for some breakfast. She got strange looks when she went into the kitchens herself and didn’t order for food to be brought to her. No one dared to approach her for the dead look in her eyes.

Her dead look was a stark contrast to what she had been feeling just the previous night. And she doesn’t remember past that night. Maybe it happened during the night? Lexa shook her head, she surely would have noticed.

She sat down in the main hall, immediately the bench she sat on cleared out of respect. She didn’t notice that she chased away her warriors from their seats. She just stared into her broth, taking sips every now and then. The warm broth had cooled well before she had finished it.

She went over everything that she had done, knowing that in the end it still had lead to a failure. Still, she had come pretty far, hadn’t she.

Now there was nothing left to do but wait. News would arrive soon enough and she could try to do it right this time.

* * *

It had been two days when her general burst into the room. It always was difficult to look her in the eye, especially after everything. Her general had noticed that something was different when she wasn’t greeted like usual.

“Are you now too important to greet your Fos?”

Heda smiled. “No Anya, you just… surprised me with your visit.” And she had, because this was new, different.

“I have been known to barge in here from time to time.” Anya was the only one of her generals allowed to because of her personal history. Ideally, the commander doesn’t take favorites and distances herself from personal connections. Lexa knew that was probably the point where she had gone wrong.

“Why are you here? Has there been news from Tondc?” She inquired.

Anya shook her head. “No.” She approaches the Commander carefully and that Lexa knew that Anya thought she was the bearer of bad news. It wasn’t just bad news, but it was personal. “I- I have a prisoner.”

“We have many prisoners, Anya. Spit it out.”

“She claims to be from Azgeda.” Lexa nodded, her hatred for the Ice Nation flared, for their queen specifically. “She knows things that only _she_ would have known.” The name wasn’t mentioned, it normally burned a hole in her heart and her mentor knew what it did to her. But for Lexa, it didn’t hurt as much anymore.

“Things like what?”

“That we share a tattoo.” Her heart beat faster. This couldn’t be. It was true, Anya and her shared a single tattoo. Anya had gotten it as her personal symbol, the leaf of a white oak. It was tattooed on her wrist, and Lexa had gotten it tattooed on her heart the moment she became Heda. A symbol to never forget their friendship. Lexa bitterly thought, Anya didn’t know that she would have to send her to her death.

“Where is she?”

“In the dungeons, I tried to get her to talk but she didn’t tell me anything.” Anya told her. The news hit her like a felled tree. Anya was a masterful interrogator and Lexa feared what damage she could have done.

White hot anger flared in her black veins and she was no longer in control. She hurled her general backwards, shocking the other attendants in her throne room and prowled over to her. “What did you do?”

* * *

Anya looked surprised, hurt and scared. Heda had never lifted a finger to her in anger before. The Trikru general had only been trying to protect her as best as possible. When her captive had told her things she was not supposed to know or could only know by interrogating _her_ , it was enough to want to extract information and to see if it was genuine. When she then also revealed that she wanted to talk to her Commander, it became her number one priority.

There was a time where Anya had been a better fighter than her second. That was many years ago, well before Lexa had taken the throne by winning the conclave. So now, when she lifted a hand to defend herself, she was scared that Lexa might seriously injure her.

To her surprise, when Lexa stood over her, nostrils flaring and hatred in her eyes, she just blinked twice as if she remembered where she was. “Take me to her.” Lexa held out her arm and Anya grabbed it to get upright again. Heda didn’t apologize and while Anya understood, it still hurt.

“I- I don’t think that is wise, Heda.” That was a mistake. The hand that was helping her unright suddenly clenched around her fingers and Anya held back a yelp when she felt one of hers break.

“Take me to her.” Lexa told her once more, detached and devoid of any remorse. She didn’t even realise the damage she was doing to her mentor, both emotional and physical.

“Yes, Heda.” Anya removed her arm from Lexa’s grip. She didn’t understand what happened to her friend, her _sister-through-battle._ It was as if the Commander was possessed by an evil spirit.

She lead the Commander from the tower to the dungeon complex beneath it. Her captive had been separated from the other prisoners because she knew sensitive information. When they entered the hallway, Anya called to the guard. “Clear this area.” Whatever would happen here, she would ensure that word would not spread.

Anya worried that Lexa would go berserk when she spoke to the prisoner. The last time they had captured one that played a part in the capture and torture of _her_ , it had taken hours to completely clean the blood and grime from the room.

When the door to her cell was opened, Anya saw the girl huddled in the corner. Her hair had lost all color and was now brown and black from the dirt and soot on the ground. She was wearing rags given to her by the prison guards. Anya hadn’t really started the torture process, just some preliminary whippings to see how easily the girl would break. The girl huddled in the corner was a stark difference between the one on the whipping post. Now she looked scared and broken, but she had not given a single thing away under duress.

The girl’s striking blue eyes looked at her and narrowed in anger and trepidation. Anya admired the strength in those eyes, the only part of her body that hadn't broken Then the eyes moved from hers to the person that now stepped into the cell from behind the general. Barely noticeable, the eyes widened slightly.

Anya expected rage. Not the timid steps forward and shaky breath. Lexa had taken a bowl of water and a piece of cloth, Anya suspected for waterboarding the prisoner, and the hands carrying them were shaking so much that water spilled out of bowl.

A raspy voice filled the room. “Lexa.” And the Commander broke. Anya had never seen it before, not even when _her_ head was delivered as a gruesome present. She sunk to her knees and the bowl of water clattered to the ground. Lexa’s first reaction was to crawl after the now empty bowl and cursed.

Anya didn’t know what was going on, but she knew she had made a grave mistake when the Commander crawled over to the girl. The girl, whose eyes had a new light shining in them, had regained strength. Words the Commander never used, were uttered in an endless stream. “I’m sorry. Klark. Forgive me.” On repeat.

The Commander enveloped the girl in a protective cocoon, Anya thought the world had gone mad. She was glad when Lexa finally registered her presence again, only to demand for a bowl of water to be brought to her. When she re-entered the room, the girl, Clarke apparently, was laying on her stomach and her shirt was ripped open. Anya saw her own handiwork: three deep gashes that hadn’t fully closed yet and thinner ones that had closed. Her whole back was a layer of dried blood.

Lexa accepted the bowl and went to work. She winced whenever Clarke winced. It was tender, and Anya wondered who she was and why she had never heard of her before. There were no rumors surrounding the Commander, and Anya would know if she had seen such a beautiful girl before. Well, she had been beautiful before she had gotten her hands on her.

“I’m sorry. I- I didn’t.” The Commander looked up with murder in her eyes, but Clarke turned on her side,and caressed her cheek, taking away the anger. Clarke’s chest was now on full display for both the Commander and her. Anya had not been cruel, she had only marred the girls back.

“Leave us. And speak of this to no one.” Lexa commanded and she obeyed.

As she left the cell, she turned around and heard the brunette speak to the blonde.

“Everything will be different. This time.”

  
  



	2. For the first time

“Can you tell me how you got here?” Anya heard Lexa’s voice as she stood outside the room given to the mystery girl. Anya did not like mysteries, especially not when they could be a danger to the Commander, even if she might not see it. 

“I stole a horse from Tondc.” Anya’s eyes bulked out of her head. The girl, who said she was Azgeda but clearly wasn’t, was also a thief. Not just a thief, but one that made the Commander snort for just a second. A sound Anya hadn’t heard Lexa make in years. 

“Did you just-?” The girl laughed when she was swatted. Anya glanced inside the room and she saw the girl lying on her bed, face down. Lexa was sitting on top of the covers next to her, playing with blonde strands of hair. Clarke had been given a bath by Lexa, who besides Anya was the only one that knew who she was and that she was here at all. 

She didn’t mean to spy on them, really. She was just here to give a message to the Commander. But it was her job to ensure Lexa’s safety. She viewed it as her main priority anyway. 

“So you stole a horse, continue.”

“I rode to Polis, got in by telling I was Azgeda.” Anya felt validated that her suspicions had been true, but also hurt that Lexa had known but saw not to tell her. Had the Commander lost trust in her? 

“That was smart.” 

Clarke seemed to disagree. “No it was stupid. I just couldn’t remember another clan name besides Trikru, not in Trigedasleng.” Only now Anya noticed it. They were not speaking in their language, but the language of the enemy. The  _ Maunon _ . She couldn’t be? No, there was no way that this girl was from those killers and the Commander was so fond with her. 

“Anya found me skulking around the the tower. I was trying to get inside.” Anya heard the blonde take a deep breath. “I know she was just trying to protect you, but she didn’t believe that I was Azgeda and said that she would find out what I wanted to do with you.”

“So you told her about our tattoos.” Lexa placed her hand over her heart absentmindedly. 

“I recognized it when I saw yours. I didn’t know Costia had known about it, but that was obvious in hindsight.” She expected Lexa to become angry at the name, but she didn’t. And when had Clarke seen Lexa’s? The only way Costia had know was because… Anya couldn’t believe it, Lexa had been with this girl and she was literally a ghost. “Combined with the fact that I claimed to be Azgeda, it was a pretty clear picture in her head. I am the dumbest assassin ever, probably.” 

“I know you’d never hurt me, Klark.”

“I did put a knife to your neck once.” Anya saw Lexa touch the base of her neck, how was the girl still alive. 

“You could have killed me then, you know.” Lexa was always talking about her death, thinking about it and what it would mean for her people. Being the Commander hardly ever led to a long life. “I was certainly surprised. Who gave you that knife, by the way? Was it Roan?”

“I don’t think I ever really hated you.” Apparently Anya had missed an assassination plot which involved the Prince of Azgeda who had been their prisoner for years, and the blonde girl that was now sharing a bed with the target of this plot. The more Anya listened, the more questions she had.

“Speaking of assassins.” Clarke’s breath hitched when it was Lexa who spoke those words. “You can come in now, Anya.” 

She swallowed. One does not simply sneak up to Heda. When she entered the room, she saw Clarke flinch. Anya wasn’t sorry for torturing the girl, she had done her duty and it was protocol, she was only regretful. 

She looked at Lexa and really studied her. There was a sense of knowledge in her eyes that Anya had not seen before, knowledge which seemed to be a burden to the girl. Her shoulders lacked the tension that they usually had. The Lexa that was sitting in front of her was not the same as she had trained with two weeks ago. 

Lexa looked away from her and looked at the blonde girl in bed. For a moment, she saw them only looking in each other’s eyes. Then Lexa turned back to her. “Anya, I’m sorry but you will have to trust me on this for a little while longer. Give us a day to sort things out between ourselves.” 

She nodded tersely. “I’m sorry for eavesdropping, I find this very hard to let go.” 

“You’re not.” Lexa responded. “It’s alright.” 

Then they heard footsteps coming down the hallway. Lexa scrambled to get out of bed and Anya tried to stop whoever was intruding. The robed bald man entered the room with a message on his lips, probably the same one Anya was on her way to give to the Commander. “Heda-”

Then Clarke sprung into action. She unsheathed Lexa’s knife from her belt and pushed the Commander behind her, growling at the Flamekeeper. The sudden exertion must hurt because Anya saw a flash of pain on her face, but that was soon replaced by pure hatred for the man who just walked in. 

Titus, alarmed at the armed intruder in the presence of the Commander, the intruder that manhandled the Commander, almost called for alarm. She could barely clamp a hand over his mouth before he shouted for the guards. 

* * *

She had almost toppled out of bed when Clarke had pushed her behind her. The way she snarled and how protective she was, Lexa knew that the Flamekeeper had done something to her in the past. She’d have to ask Clarke what she remembered.

She gently enclosed her hand around the blonde’s carrying the knife and pried it from her fingers. After putting it back on its place, she walked to Titus and Anya. “Titus, Anya had just given me the message that there are almost a hundred children loose in the woods near Tondc. She also said that one of them went close to the Mountain. She didn’t get much further.”

She saw Anya’s eyes widen in surprise. Lexa wasn’t supposed to know the contents of the message, yet. Titus’ eyes switched between hers and Clarke’s. “You will forget what you saw here, Titus. This room is not occupied, unless I tell you differently.” 

There was a threat implied there. In the same way that she had never hurt her First in anger before, she also had never threatened her other mentor. He saw it was serious and briefly looked at Anya, who nodded and went along with her plan. Out of all her subjects, Anya was her most loyal. 

The Flamekeeper, now released from Anya’s hold. “Sha, Heda.” He saw he was unwanted here and left the floor. 

“Anya, can you leave as well? I want to discuss things in private with Clarke.” Her general nodded and followed Titus. Lexa didn’t speak until she was sure that both of them had left the floor. 

“Clarke, are you okay?” Clarke was breathing heavily, as if afraid for her live. She wrapped her arms around her and tried to provide comfort to the shaken girl. “Was he the one… the one that killed you?”

“No- he- he- he-. Gunshot- so much blood- so, so much.” Clarke hiccuped and stuttered. Lexa tried to connect her eyes to hers, but she the blue eyes saw looked right through her, seeing a scene that was not there. “Couldn’t, couldn’t stop it.”

“It’s alright.” She hushed Clarke by putting a finger to her lips. When she was calm again, Lexa continued. Why don’t we start somewhere else? What do you remember from the previous time?” 

Clarke started about the Mountain, her exile, her return to Polis. Lexa kneeling in front of Clarke. The duel, how scared she was for Lexa, and then the bloodbath outside Arkadia. Lexa nodded along the way, indicating that she remembered the same.

“And then I had to leave, but I couldn’t just leave without- without showing you everything I was feeling.” Lexa remembered being so happy when Clarke finally kissed her earnestly. She had fought so long for that moment. 

“What happened afterwards? I- I don’t remember the next part.” Lexa told her. 

Clarke prepared herself. “I left you. I came to my room and something was wrong.” She swallowed. “Murphy, one of my people, was bound in a chair. Titus, he had a gun.” Lexa’s eyes widened, so it was Titus who betrayed her and killed the girl she loved. “He- he wanted to kill me, put it on Murphy, and start a war.” 

It made a strange sort of sense. Titus must have feared that Lexa would be overthrown by the Clans for sparing the Skaikru and changing their oldest traditions. How had she not seen this coming? She had come so far, only to be betrayed by the closest of allies. 

“So he did kill you?”

“No- he- you-.” Clarke took a deep breath as Lexa rubbed her back softly. “You came through the door. He missed me, but you were there, looking for me because you thought I was in danger.” 

Lexa then felt at her stomach. She could now feel the bullet once again, even though Clarke had not told her where she’d been shot. She remembered the pain. Clarke’s panic, and the tearful words she had spoken to her. “I don’t want another Commander. I want you.” She also remembered being sad, and hoping that Clarke would finally survive despite her own death.

“Ah, so I died. What happened next?” Clarke looked at her in alarm, she had always hated when Lexa talked about her death so easily. But she was also confused and angry. 

“What do you mean? What happened next? You died, I blacked out and woke up in the dropship after we hit the ground.” Lexa swallowed, this was different.

“The first thing I did was to see if everything I remembered was real. It seemed to be, I knew things I shouldn’t. Then I snuck away to Tondc, stole a horse and you know the rest.” Clarke looked at her and tears tracked down her cheeks. “I had to find you, see if you lived and if you… if you knew me. You probably think that was a stupid risk.”

“I’d be pretty hypocritical if I did. I did the same the first time.”

It was out of her mouth before she knew it. She saw Clarke’s eyes widen, first in confusion and then even more when she seemed to understand the implication. With a shaky voice full of disbelief and anguish, she said:

“What do you mean,  _ the first time? _ ” 

Lexa couldn’t look her in the eye.

“You didn’t remember.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Dun dun dunnnnnnnnnnn.
> 
> I got some positive response so I cranked out another chapter. Also, I couldn't let it go really. I'll see when I give you another one, but no promises as I am writing another fic (you can check it out via my profile!)
> 
> Let me know what you think. Also, if you notice any glaring mistakes, please feel free to point them out, they do no harm and I then I can correct them. These things are hardly proofread and not beta'd.


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